Friday, December 5, 2008

"Walk" Day 4 Thoughts (and Day 3-Part 2)

Boy am I glad that Heavenly Father will be our judge. We are just not cut out for that type of authority, yet. In my limited mind I sometimes judge forgiveness relative to the amount of suffering I endure. My sin was X grievous, so now I must feel Y amount of guilt in order to equal repentance. Why do I put myself through that? As if the sin isn't heavy enough, why not add a ton of guilt? Satan is a very crafty guy. He has made an art form out of tempting into sin (often in such a subtle way that we believe they are our own thoughts) and once he has tricked us....bring on the wallowing! Even when we wise up and feel like asking for help and forgiveness, he interjects and tells us things like: "What's the'll do it again. You can handle this on your own. Changing this will be too hard. It's harmless, not that big of a deal as far as wrong goes." Yada, yada, get the point.

Jeff taught me something I'll never forget. I had been feeling really overwhelmed by everything... felt like I had accumulated so much sin (mostly of the omission variety) that to turn around and dig my way out of the whole seemed impossible. I felt like to find any relief there would be strings attached. I would have to do SO many good things before I could begin to feel better. That would take FOREVER! He showed me a verse in Alma that gave me comfort and hope.

"Yea, I would that ye would come forth and harden not your hearts any longer; for behold, now is the time and the day of your salvation; and therefore, if ye will repent and harden not your hearts, immediately shall the great plan of redemption be brought about unto you." -Alma 34:31

Are you kidding me? Are you sure I don't have to suffer and feel guilty until I am old and grey?

Heavenly Father loves us. Christ atoned for our sins because He loves us. He felt every painful feeling we have ever endured. He knows how we feel. We are not alone. (
And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people...and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities. - Alma 7:11-12)

So, "do [I] understand what Christ did for me? Do I comprehend the great love He has for me?" The answer is yes and no. Yes, I know what He did for me and that he loves me. No, I cannot pretend to comprehend the complexity or depth of it all. I hope to one day. For now, it feels good to simply know that I am loved.


randalswife said...

Just wanted to let you know I am enjoying your "Walk" thoughts and am printing out the pages. I'll get around to doing it myself eventually.

Amanda and Kirk said...

I am in love with all of your thoughts and your walk with Christ. Thanks so much for making this public so people like me can learn from it as well... Love you as always!